two thoughts

Thought # 1

I would like to say that I have been thouroughly enjoying my husband lately. :)

especially his sense of humor. Below is starbucks warrior. I sincerely wonder what everyone else does without him. 

Our journey together so far has been incredible. I have grown more in six months than I ever thought possible. 

p.s. thanks for the photos jess. <3

Thought #2

I have some pretty incredible friends. God has been so good to me. I couldn't think of anything better he could bless me with right now. I have some incredible relationships. My mind has been wandering a lot to people in general. My desire is to love above everything else. Before a job, before stuff, before MY needs, before anger, before selfishness, before "needing space", Before serving. a love that is NOT conditional on who people are, or what they have done. I want to also love fully, understanding that everything I do effects someone else somehow.  My prayer is that God will teach me how to do this more and more radically everyday. For if I do not have love I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. 

Will the real followers of Jesus please stand up?

(I preface all of this in saying... THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS... I am very much speaking generally and not pointing a finger at any certain organization or person. I am guilty of not acting Christ like as well. I will also say that there are less people that I see as genuine followers of Jesus, and more that I see as Christians.)

In the past few years I have been continually let down by the "church". I can imagine that I am not alone in feeling this way. I have come to know  Christs character, and have come to the realization that His character is very rarely found amidst "Christians". I have seen those who call themselves Christians (followers of Jesus) use, judge, and manipulate people in a way that is selfish and arrogant. This is disgusting. The thought of this makes me sick. How dare we in the name of Jesus Christ knowingly treat other people bad? However on one hand we all make mistakes, we all struggle with a sin nature. That is one thing. What I am talking about is long time "Christians" stepping on other people to get what they want (power, money, control, "successful ministry", the list goes on in on). Looking at "the church" today compared to the character of Christ and the church of acts ... WOW. It is so perverted, what have we done?

 The trinity that I have experienced and fell in love with is faithful, self sacrificing, humble, full of grace and second chances, loving, and honest. No part of the trinity esteems itself amongst the others, and they are constantly pouring themselves fully and freely into each other, out of the understanding that they are nothing with out the other, so they must be all that they can be to each other. This is (for lack of a better term) constructive community. We are made in the image of God. Let US (trinity/God) make man in OUR own image. It is in our very DNA to give freely and fully to one another aka be a fully functioning community of believers. 

The Church has come along way. In the past 50 years we have had discovered a new spiritual freedom. Having a relationship with God, and hearing Gods voice. Has been pushed more than ever. This is wonderful but not enough. I firmly believe that my generation and the generation to come is being asked to love radically. There is a reformation coming to the church, if we will accept it and we must. 

I challenge you as I will myself to look at the "American church". Compare it to Christs character and the first church. Then completely let yourself think outside the box. How can we as a body take on the attributes of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ and not the attributes of "business America"

back to the nati

Well we have been home for almost two weeks now. We are currently on the job hunt. It has been easier to find work than we thought, the more challenging part is making sure we are taking the jobs that God has for us. I have a lot of peace. It has been a nice break being home I have been processing the last year and a half, more so though on the past 6 months. 

Being married has been amazing. I am so in love with my husband. There was a point in my life that i never thought this was possible. Apparently it is and I am loving it. Its been really great just in the past week and a half to be able to spend more quality time together and less "stressful/work" time.

Anyways. Im back in Cincinnati. It cold here... kinda. I love it. skyline chili (praise God) 

God is teaching me tons about my experience in the ATL. My two wonderful puppies are asleep on the bed with me right now. soo peaceful. and i am going to sleep. 

be something real

As followers of Jesus what do we expect of ourselves?

 What do I expect of myself? What should I be pushing myself to be? 

 I've seen a lot lately. I've experienced a lot. 

 The effects of pride, of materialism, individualism, false identity, greed, selfishness, and hate. 

 I've seen the effects that it has on society and in the church. Because of what I have seen and experienced I  have felt raw and overwhelming conviction.

Micah 6:8 says do justice, love kindness, and live humbly. 

Living out this commandment is a a big responsibility and can become quite draining. I mean what is DOING justice? What does this entail on my part and how far do I go? If a family is homeless do I offer them my home? What if they rob me? take advantage of me? What if they've killed people? So...what if?Would Christ?

How about loving kindness... LOVING kindness... wow. 

How about Acts 4 a picture of the first church set up the way God had originally designed. 

Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common.

Am I willing to give everything that I have spiritually, emotionally, and physically to anyone FREELY and FULLY? 

I believe that becoming more like Christ looks different than we have previously imagined. I feel that God has opened my eyes to something new and I have only begun to grasp the fullness of our responsibilities as followers of Jesus. 

He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world. I am nothing aside from Him. I am prideful, selfish, materialistic, hateful, and conceited. But it is He who is in me that is greater... 

I am who I am by the grace of God. 

I believe that pure humility, love, patience, kindness, unity, and the ability to give freely and fully of yourself. Is the way to complete transformation of our society. What darkness can be in light? However these character attributes are NOT POSSIBLE in their purest form if we are not living in the father. This is not something that we can achieve or even "arrive" to. 

We must pursue a love relationship with Abba. We must begin to see in fullness how He sees us. The father sees who we are without sin. He sees us as His perfect child and bride. We must know every second of every day what He thinks of us and be completely satisfied by Him. If we seek Him, crave Him... and only Him. We will be able to love kindness, do justice, and live humbly. We will be able to give freely and fully of ourselves. We MUST build our foundation surrounded, emersed, full of Him. 

I have to get back to this. It is easy to be consumed with all the "kingdom work" that their is to be done. 

But I forget, I AM NOTHING WITHOUT HIM. 

Perfect picture

I found this picture and thought it was a pretty good reflection of my time a as a childrens pastor. Although I'm not always keeping kids from escaping, killing each other, stealing ipods, having sex or playing with guns... I am quite frequently. 

The last five months

May 23rd 2008 seems like yesterday. On that day a completely new chapter in my life was being written. Nothing like what was before. New. Since then life has been nothing expected. After the wedding festivities, Austin and I moved to Atlanta to work at an inner city ministry called City of Refuge. We were coming with the understanding that we were TEMPORARY INTERNS. A couple weeks into our internship. We were asked to temporarily take the childrens pastor position. We saw the need although we have not had a heart specifically for children. We felt like God has been speaking to us about His desire for the kids ministry. So we said that we would stay on to make those changes and would take it day by day as far as how long we stayed the children's pastors. 

I felt a new kind of Grace taking this job. There were times where I could truly feel God's anointing to  work with kids. I knew it was only because He needed us there and it was only for then. I dont expect to ever do anything that intense as far as ministry goes with kids again. But never say never with God right? I know that I would have never in a million years been able to do this job without His grace that followed me. 

The kids have been incredible. Leaving them will be hard. We have so many great  and not so great memories with them. So many stories. These kids have experienced more hard ship and injustice in their 9, 10, 11 year old lives than I could have ever even imagined happening to me as a child. But God is faithful. 

We have felt God leading us away from this ministry. It has been a hard decision but we will be moving back to Cincinnati. We have so much of ourselves invested in these kids. God never stops teaching me something. 

This season of my life has been probably the best and hardest. Every day God asked for more. The second I found my self in a place where I was comfortable. The carpet was ripped out from underneath me and God started teaching me something new. 

Up until coming to City of refuge. So many of my prayers were God give me your heart. Now that I have been here. I have been asking God how to deal with His heart. I have been overwhelmed with the need and realized more than ever that I am NOTHING and it is Christ in me. That is the only place that faith hope and love can be found Christ. I by myself do not love, hope or have faith. 

Coming home with be challenging as well I'm sure. However Im looking forward to a chance to reflect and process. I think I will finally feel married. It has been hard spending so much time and energy in such a needy enviroment all the while trying to love like Jesus loves. We have felt so drained that we have felt that we had nothing left to offer each other. In the jewish culture when a man and woman are first married they are practically forced to spend the year doing nothing but focusing on their relationship. They are not able to go to work or war. I definatly see the importance of this. I our marriage is not devolped and getting the attention needed we are no good to anyone in ministry. With that said I am excited to seek God with my husband and see what the Father has for us next.